VICTORY #1

Two years ago, I had just been diagnosed with COPD; walking took my breath away, even traveling across a room. I used oxygen at home, but not out and about. It only added to the depression and anxiety with which I live.

We received an invite to a family gathering on Georgia's St. Simons Island, offering us the opportunity to spend some quality time with our daughter, her partner, their 1-year-old daughter, and her other grandparents.  It was going to be a wonderful trip and we eagerly set out to drive to Savannah.

On arrival, everything was great. There's nothing like playing with your first grandchild!  I didn't do well with walking, especially in the Southern summer heat, but I managed. My mood was up and I was so happy.

Then came the visit to the beach. As I exited the car in the parking lot, I saw a wooden bridge at the far end of the lot. We approached and my heart sank. Before me was the long bridge, leading to the beach where it must have been a couple tenths of a mile to the water. I was doubtful that I could make it to the end of the bridge, let  alone across the beach to the water, so I stayed behind.

The rest of the party spent the next hour having fun with buckets and shovels, and playing in the water. I cried, feeling sorry for myself but also chastising myself for being in that condition.

I smoked for forty years and had quit earlier that year. It's the same old story: I tried quitting a lot of times, but without purpose or determination. I castigated myself for what I had done to myself and my loved ones. They begged me for years and I was so addicted to cigarettes that I basically ignored them. I still don't know if they've forgiven me, but I had to forgive myself to stay sane, and I do mean that. I hadn't gotten that far by the beach trip.

Eventually, I carried on, but was adamant about never smoking again, and I no longer have the desire for the most part. I've vowed not to miss occasions like that because I've made myself weak. My walking had not improved much until recently, and here's how that changed.

Now I'm part of a peer support group at one of our county mental health facilities and it is great to be there with folks who are like family. It's a recovery group that focuses on coping skills, education, socialization, and peers supporting one another. The agency recently sent 8 of us and three leaders to the Georgia Annual Mental Health conference on...St. Simons Island. We stayed at a huge resort and the various classes and workshops were all over the place, as well as the lodging and cafeteria. I was afraid: how could I possibly do this?

I was determined. The first day we registered and got our badges. By the time we left registration and got to the next stop, I had lost my badge and had to walk back to that building to retrieve it from where I had dropped it. Good start, I thought. My leader assured me that I was ok, it was no big deal. I decided to believe her.

The phrase "One foot in front of another" became a mantra in my head, and I was so excited that it worked. For two days I walked all over that campus and felt stronger and stronger as I went. It was amazing.

In the evening of the second day, we were told that we were going to the beach. I only hoped that it would be a small one that I could navigate. But when the van pulled into the parking lot, I saw it: the dreaded wooden bridge. So many negative thoughts ran through my mind and my stomach was churning.

I gathered myself and started challenging those thoughts. Ok, I was stronger than I've been in years, I had just spent two days walking all over, and it was imperative that I at least try. I walked all the way to near the water!

I was so astonished and proud and overwhelmed that I laid out my towel and sat down. I didn't talk to anyone as they all strode through the surf and even got into the waves. Suddenly, the tears came to my eyes and I was sobbing. I asked one of the leaders to gather people together because I had something to tell them.

Relating the story of my disappointment of two years ago and my victory that day, I felt a release that I can't describe. They said, "Well,  you can't get this far and not at least walk in the surf!" They got me up (no easy task) and we all walked in a group to the edge of the water. They held me up when the tide washed the sand out from under my feet and a group picture was taken to commemorate the occasion. Those loving arms and hearts filled my soul with joy. I'll never forget it.

Then I had to face the long way back to the van, uphill through deep sand. Someone mentioned how much harder it was to maneuver in the sand than on flat ground and congratulated me on how well I was doing.  Since then, I've gone on a 40-minute hike with only a couple of stops to rest and gone fishing twice. It's like a while new life that I want to keep, and I will as long as I keep exercising.

It's important to hold onto the victories for when you are low; they'll bless you and lift your spirits. Comment below if you have victories that you'd like to relate. Sharing is caring!